Yesterday, I went to dinner with a few friends for one of their birthdays. Going into the dinner, I knew that they were all a part of the same business fraternity and that I was one of the few who wasn’t in the organization. I had rushed the frat in the spring but did not receive a bid. I was upset at the time, but I found other organizations that offer so much to me instead. So, despite knowing that I was one of the few who didn’t “fit in,” I brushed that thought aside and wanted to be at the dinner enjoying myself and being there for my friend.

We sit at the table, and it’s going well. But then the conversations toward migrating towards topics that only they know. They talked about all these insiders and events that I didn’t know about. It sucks when you’re surrounded by 16 people who only want to talk about one thing, and you have no idea what that thing is. It sucks when you want to enjoy yourself and show interest in your friend’s friends, but it’s hard when they act so cut-off from society.

This feeling of conflict, wanting to support my friend but also feeling like her friends were ostracizing me, made it difficult to enjoy dinner.

Society has a tendency to lean towards setting boundaries around things. If people are part of a club, they don’t like to let anyone else in. My suitemate said while the organization may seem really close and tight-knit, the people who tend to shelter themselves from other people are those who are usually the most self-conscious. This may be true, but why is there such an emphasis on sticking to themselves? This is not productive, this leads to nothing.


One thought on “Time”

  1. Definitely had similar thoughts this year within my living community. I lived with 3 amazing women, who are absolutely killing the game at what they do. However, we were all so busy this year that we were rarely in the room at the same time. Additionally, all three of them participated in sorority life (and I didn’t). I used to believe that these things didn’t matter–and they don’t to some extent— but over time I felt left out of conversations. Like when I came back I. January, they were all in the rush process. They have mixers and formals, big little week, and even though they aren’t in the same sororities, there still things that I won’t ultimately understand. In conversations, I feel left out because I can’t speak upon the subject at hand. I struggled with feeling left out, blaming the fact that I wasn’t part of Greek life. However, I’ve also realized that I never invested time into this suite. Not only because of other commitments, but also because I had chosen to invest my time into other friendships or student groups that I had cared deeply about. And that is okay. Although it may feel really terrible to be the only one sometimes that doesn’t know what is going on, remember that you also share experiences with others outside of that context.


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